Love in the modern era
What is love? No, not the song by Haddaway. But, really. I want to know what love is. No, not the song by Foreigner. You may ask, “What’s love got to do with it?” No, not the song by Tina Turner. Oh, stop, Joshua.
People use the word “love” casually. They talk about how they love their shoes, their favorite shows, and pumpkin spice lattes. Has our concept of love changed? Have we changed?
I like those stories of couples who are married for 60-some years who die within hours of each other. OK, not the dying part, but the rest of it. They spent their lives together and couldn’t exist without each other. But is that love or something else?
What is love? Is it loyalty? (If so, then dogs take the cake.) A feeling in your gut? (Which you may or may not be able to trust.) Cake and a card on your birthday? (All purchasable.) Is there a definition of love?
Love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 as, “Charity (aka love) suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” By that definition, human love falls far short, though it gives us something to aspire to.
In the modern era, romantic relationships leave much to be desired. Is anyone truly looking for committed love anymore? If so, can it be found? Relationships are often discarded as quickly as they begin, which makes me wonder if love is just another fast-food item. And cheating on one’s diet happens with the same regularity as cheating in relationships. Or am I being cynical?
An infographic at the Institute for Family Studies’ website for an article entitled “Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America” shows that in America, it’s mostly men who cheat, though it says, “Among ever-married adults ages 18 to 29, women are slightly more likely than men to be guilty of infidelity.” Clearly, cheating is not love. Infidelity is one of the most hurtful things a human being can do to another. It is a complete, profound rejection. Those who are cheated on are permanently rearranged inside and never again the same. Imagine looking over your shoulder the rest of your life, sure your life will shatter once again, but you never know when.
I don’t know how the institute gathered its data. I imagine it was largely anonymous because who wants to admit they cheated?
Infidelity itself has come a long way. It used to be something people winked at, especially concerning our presidents. A shift occurred in the past few decades when presidents’ infidelity wasn’t covered up but was revealed to a worldwide audience instead. The MeToo and TimesUp movements have done their part to dismantle this previously winked at behavior. Certainly, we have a long way to go as a society. Just because a few rats were tossed off the ship doesn’t mean there aren’t many more hiding below deck. We must clean up a situation that never should have existed.
I know what love shouldn’t look like, but what should it look like?
“The Notebook,” a movie which nearly every American female of a certain age has probably seen and mostly likely cried while watching, has a glaring flaw. The main characters cheated on their significant others to be together. Still, the movie is beloved, and perhaps more so because it is flawed in the same way human beings are flawed. There are no perfect human beings. Is there a perfect love story?
There are certainly a lot of sad love stories. Books and movies are full of them: lost loves, near misses, unrequited love, etc. — many real and many fictional — but fictional stories take root from reality’s seeds.
Sometimes, even though there is love between two people, it doesn’t work out. I think of Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio. They were both famous in their own right, but they came from very different worlds. Joe was possessive, which didn’t help matters. Their marriage lasted nine months. No one is perfect, and when you put two imperfect people together, sometimes things don’t work out.
Still, I don’t think the tenderness between them ever died. While Marilyn may have left all of us once, she left Joe twice — and the last time, finally. He never stopped loving her, even sending flowers to her grave every few days for the next 37 years until his death. His last words were something to the effect of, “And now I can be with Marilyn.” Of course, love exists in so many ways, not just between men and women. I love my son more than myself, more than my own life. I would readily lay down my life for him in a heartbeat. Just about any parent would.
What is patriotism but love? How many millions of men and women have died for their ideals, their countries, for a future they would never see? John 15:13 says, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” The greatest example of love is, of course, Jesus Christ, who died for every human being living, who has ever lived, or will ever live, even those who reject Him.
Though the love of many has waxed cold, God’s love has not. If a mere, imperfect human being like Joe DiMaggio (OK, he was a great baseball player, too) can love a woman the rest of his life, even though she was long gone, how much greater and more powerful is God’s love for us? Love is truly as strong as death.
Though I would lay down my life for my son, I can’t imagine giving my son — my only child — to save someone else. Having a child changes you, and it should. Through the relationship with our children, we are allowed a small glimpse of how God sees us; or, as John said, “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Now that is a true love story.
