My hero
I want to honor a truly special person I had the pleasure of getting to know a few years ago. Though this is a personal sentiment, I will extrapolate some spiritual meaning. Please indulge me.
The first time I met this girl, she and I were in the fourth grade. I just moved to her town over Christmas vacation in late 1987. From the beginning, she was kind to me, always happy to see me and say hi. I never forgot her kindness, though I never understood it. You see, for someone such as me who comes from an abusive and neglectful background, I don’t easily understand what it means when someone is kind. But as the years went on, I trusted her more and more. In fact, I thought someday I would marry her.
But that didn’t happen. She married another man, a man who did not treat her as he should. He cheated on her relentlessly, and he was a domestic abuser. I married a woman who cheated on me relentlessly. Because that is what cheaters do. Cheaters cheat. No stopping that. We eventually divorced.
But this girl’s life and mine reconnected briefly after 20 years of silence a few years ago. That brief time frame allowed me to see a kind of girl I never thought could exist. It seemed as though the things she went through in her marriage only made her sweeter. While I struggled with what happened to me in my life, she showed me a person can go through a mile of muck and still come out clean on the other side. She showed me our circumstances or experiences don’t define us. She showed me what others do or say to us doesn’t reflect on who we are but on who they are.
This girl is the truest example of what I consider a Christian woman should be. She is the Proverbs 31 woman, the virtuous woman, whatever you prefer to say. That’s her. That girl I initially distrusted in the fourth grade turned out to be the real deal. She really was the welcoming, accepting, loving person she seemed to be. The grace she showed in her marriage was humbling to me. But that was only the tip of the iceberg.
She always held her head high with class and poise. Most women I knew were not classy and didn’t have the kind of integrity I found in her. My respect for her grew. She took care of those around her, even though she had the extra burden of a cheating, abusive husband. She raised her kids right and taught them to honor the Lord in their words and actions, too, even though she and her husband were not on the same page spiritually. And she put everything she had into her job, which for someone who has a big heart like her, can extract the maximum amount of energy. So I saw a working mother raising two children and taking care of a household and husband who was often out looking for other women … and the words that came out of this woman’s mouth made my jaw drop. You would expect some sort of bitterness or resentment, but she exuded sweetness and respect and love and grace. I was floored. What treasure she was.
In my life, I knew a lot of women, but only one impressed me enough to call her my hero. I contrast the way she lived her life and the challenges she faced and how she dealt with setbacks with how I handled my own affairs, and she consistently rose above while I found myself drowning. If I had found myself with her instead of with a different woman, I know my life would have been far better than it was. The wounds I gathered in my abusive childhood would have healed instead of festered. My heart could have safely trusted in her instead of constantly guarding itself. Through talking with her, I gained the necessary insight into what went wrong in my life, including the negative attitude I adopted about myself. Self-blame is a large part of the abuse-survivor complex, and I had to let that go. I also had to let go of blaming those around me, such as my ex-wife or my family for the wrongs they perpetrated. Forgiveness freed me from the cycle of blame and self-blame, and that was the biggest step I had to take. Though I don’t want close contact with those people, I can still pray for them from a distance and maybe God will change them or maybe not, but either way I’m free of the whole thing. God gave me the example of this godly woman so I could change my attitude and my life because the path I was on was so destructive I was headed for the grave. She may never know how much she helped me on my personal journey and to heal from years of abuse and mistreatment.
She would be embarrassed by this post. I won’t say her name or post a photo. But I would be remiss to say nothing at all. I pray God blesses her and all those around her the rest of her life. I pray God blesses her richly in this life and the next. Though I may never see or speak to her again, her words and example reside in my heart and mind and will remain close to me the rest of my life. I was truly blessed by knowing a woman with such a kind soul and big heart.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
